![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Title: The Loss of Love
Fandom: Hawaii Five-0
Characters: Danny "Danno" Williams, Catherine Rollins, Steve McGarrett
Pairing: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Rating: Teen
Beta: KaitouYahiko
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.
Summary: Danny awakens from a dream realizing he wants to spend the rest of his life with Steve, but something goes terribly wrong.
Chapter 4
Catherine stood before Danny glaring at him. Steve probably had told her everything; Danny thought hard about his next words because any wrong steps would more than likely land him on the wrong side of Cath’s gun, and that was something he didn’t want to have to think about.
“Look, Cath, please, I need to talk to him. It’s really important.”
Danny stood in front of her and looked her in the eyes, determination shining brightly in his face. However, Cath wasn’t about to back down; she matched him look for look. Danny could tell at this point – she definitely knew everything that had happened. This didn’t intimidate him. He wouldn’t let himself be turned away.
“Danny, you hurt him badly. Why do you want to talk to him? So you can blame your fight? Or is it going to be the alcohol? Rachel? Look, whatever your excuse is, save it. He’s ignoring you for a reason, so just leave. You shouldn’t have even come here! He gave you the day off to enjoy yourself. Didn’t you get that note?”
Danny’s desperation turned to anger as Cath started saying each word. Did she really think so little of him that he would try and weasel his way out of this with petty excuses like these? What type of person does she think he is? As soon as that question went into his head, he regretted it immediately. He knew exactly what kind of person she thought he was – a cheater. Sleeps around on his lover. Doesn’t care for his feelings. The more Danny thought about it, the more Cath’s defensiveness made sense. Danny’s anger broke; the sadness returned in its place.
“Cath, I know what you’re probably thinking of me. Scratch that. I know what you think of me. You’re judging the fact that I slept with Rachel and broke Steve’s heart with one night. I swear on my daughter’s life, I didn’t mean for any of it to happen, but it did. I hate myself for it. I’m never going to forgive myself for this. I cheated on my lover. I cheated on the one person who means more to me than anything else in this world, aside from Grace. I cheated on him. I fucked up big time. I’m not going to make any excuses. I hate that I did this, and yeah, it’s probably a long shot to beg for forgiveness, but I’m not going to leave. I need to at least talk to him. I need to see if he’s willing to give me another chance. I won’t betray him ever again. I know I fucked up big time, so please, just let me through.”
Catherine’s glare didn’t lessen, even as Danny poured his heart out to her. He looked past her shoulder, and into Steve’s office; his eyes were focused on the two of them arguing out here, and for a second, Steve’s eyes caught Danny’s. Danny saw a face he’d never seen from Steve, one he never wished he would see – the look appeared emotionless, broken, and not at all the fun, smirking, Super SEAL he was head-over-heels in love with. That Steve was gone, and Danny’s voice cracked when he realized this. He began to turn away when Cath brought a hand to his shoulder and stopped him.
“I don’t know why I’m even doing this; I’m supposed to have Steve’s back, since it seems like someone isn’t up to it, but go.”
Danny saw Cath’s glare had changed slightly – one with a slight bit of compassion. She seemed to believe him for some reason. Why did she suddenly change her mind? What was this sudden trust in his actions?
“Cath, I…Are you sure? He-“
“Danny, shut up! You…seem sincere in this at least. I’m willing to give you one more shot, if and only if Steve is willing to as well, and…well, I don’t know what he wants. I’m not even sure he knows what he wants, but you’re the only one who can find it out, so get your ass in there and talk to him before I have to put bullet holes in you for stabbing him in the back in the first place.”
Danny could only nod. He was fighting his tears. He seemed to be getting his sincerity across to everyone except himself and Steve. Kono was the only one in the main room, and all she could do was nod and look at him as he went by. Seems like she knew what had happened as well; Chin had probably told her, and her face could tell a million different stories, from ‘I’ll tear you to shreds for ripping our team apart like this’ to ‘Fix this now, because if you don’t, Steve’s never going to be the same again.’ Danny couldn’t tell which story was the more intended of the two, but either way, when she let him by without saying anything, he figured the latter was the true case. He walked up to Steve’s office, Steve watching him with that face, Death’s Face, as he had named it, since Steve didn’t appear to live anymore when he looked at Danny. The look of betrayal in his eyes, teamed with the bags under his eyes, spoke more words than Danny had said since they had met more than two years ago. All of the times they shared were distant memories to this Steve. Danny had only one chance to fix this. He had to do it now. He pulled the doors opened to the office and waited for them to close to speak.
“Steve, listen-“
“I don’t want to hear it.”
Steve interrupted before Danny could even say anything. Danny looked at Steve, his tone mirroring his face with the lack of emotion. There was no longer any excitement, no more happiness. He couldn’t bear to see Steve like this. The extent of his betrayal finally rang clear as a clock tower’s bells.
“Steve-“
“Don’t say another word, Danny. I told you, I don’t want to hear it. You slept with her. That’s it. There is no more to say. You don’t get to just come in here and everything’s fine again. No. That’s not how the real world works. I might be emotionally inhibited, according to you, but what you did, there’s no coming back from it. I couldn’t care less what kinds of excuses you have. I don’t even care if you admit this. It’s over. You had your chance; we’re done. Now, I’ve got a lot of work to do, so please, if you’re going to come in to work, your office is right over there.” He pointed across the room to the office opposite his. “You can do the paperwork from the last case right there. I’ve even done the favor of starting it for you. Just leave, and this afternoon, I’ll have Kono and Chin pack your stuff, and you’re moving out.”
Danny couldn’t breathe. Everything shattered before him. There was no second chance. No chance to say what he had come here to say. Everything he had done this morning to prepare himself to talk to Steve had been for nothing. Steve wasn’t going to listen. Danny felt like throwing up. His guilt, Steve’s sadness, his betrayal, Steve’s trust – everything had finally come to the surface. This was no longer his family. His ohana was gone. Gone with one night’s impaired judgment. He had singlehandedly ruined his own life. The only thing left living for was Grace, and even then, he didn’t know how she’d react to him destroying his own relationship. Danny took slow steps towards the door, and caught a glimpse of Steve’s face in the reflection of the glass – tears had finally escaped Steve’s eyes, and he seemed to be convulsing as Danny walked out of the room. Steve had been shattered. When he reentered the main room, Kono’s anger had turned to sadness as well as she walked past Danny and into Steve’s office, giving him a big hug. Danny watched, jealousy burning brightly in his heart. How he longed to be the one giving Steve comfort, but how could he? How could he comfort Steve when he was the very reason Steve was crying?
Danny sat down in his office and peeked at the adjacent office once more – the blinds were closed, and Danny couldn’t see a thing, but that last sight he saw of Steve was enough. He knew what was happening beyond the blinds, and before he knew it, he was leaning over his trash can and the bile that had been testing his limits all morning finally made its way past his throat and into his mouth. The sour and bitter taste lingered as he emptied anything his body could muster up into the small trash can. His tears mixed with the vile fluids in the trash can as he cried harder than he could ever remember crying. Yes, Danny had seriously fucked up everything in his life, and he deserved this punishment and more for his betrayal.
Fandom: Hawaii Five-0
Characters: Danny "Danno" Williams, Catherine Rollins, Steve McGarrett
Pairing: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Rating: Teen
Beta: KaitouYahiko
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.
Summary: Danny awakens from a dream realizing he wants to spend the rest of his life with Steve, but something goes terribly wrong.
Chapter 4
Catherine stood before Danny glaring at him. Steve probably had told her everything; Danny thought hard about his next words because any wrong steps would more than likely land him on the wrong side of Cath’s gun, and that was something he didn’t want to have to think about.
“Look, Cath, please, I need to talk to him. It’s really important.”
Danny stood in front of her and looked her in the eyes, determination shining brightly in his face. However, Cath wasn’t about to back down; she matched him look for look. Danny could tell at this point – she definitely knew everything that had happened. This didn’t intimidate him. He wouldn’t let himself be turned away.
“Danny, you hurt him badly. Why do you want to talk to him? So you can blame your fight? Or is it going to be the alcohol? Rachel? Look, whatever your excuse is, save it. He’s ignoring you for a reason, so just leave. You shouldn’t have even come here! He gave you the day off to enjoy yourself. Didn’t you get that note?”
Danny’s desperation turned to anger as Cath started saying each word. Did she really think so little of him that he would try and weasel his way out of this with petty excuses like these? What type of person does she think he is? As soon as that question went into his head, he regretted it immediately. He knew exactly what kind of person she thought he was – a cheater. Sleeps around on his lover. Doesn’t care for his feelings. The more Danny thought about it, the more Cath’s defensiveness made sense. Danny’s anger broke; the sadness returned in its place.
“Cath, I know what you’re probably thinking of me. Scratch that. I know what you think of me. You’re judging the fact that I slept with Rachel and broke Steve’s heart with one night. I swear on my daughter’s life, I didn’t mean for any of it to happen, but it did. I hate myself for it. I’m never going to forgive myself for this. I cheated on my lover. I cheated on the one person who means more to me than anything else in this world, aside from Grace. I cheated on him. I fucked up big time. I’m not going to make any excuses. I hate that I did this, and yeah, it’s probably a long shot to beg for forgiveness, but I’m not going to leave. I need to at least talk to him. I need to see if he’s willing to give me another chance. I won’t betray him ever again. I know I fucked up big time, so please, just let me through.”
Catherine’s glare didn’t lessen, even as Danny poured his heart out to her. He looked past her shoulder, and into Steve’s office; his eyes were focused on the two of them arguing out here, and for a second, Steve’s eyes caught Danny’s. Danny saw a face he’d never seen from Steve, one he never wished he would see – the look appeared emotionless, broken, and not at all the fun, smirking, Super SEAL he was head-over-heels in love with. That Steve was gone, and Danny’s voice cracked when he realized this. He began to turn away when Cath brought a hand to his shoulder and stopped him.
“I don’t know why I’m even doing this; I’m supposed to have Steve’s back, since it seems like someone isn’t up to it, but go.”
Danny saw Cath’s glare had changed slightly – one with a slight bit of compassion. She seemed to believe him for some reason. Why did she suddenly change her mind? What was this sudden trust in his actions?
“Cath, I…Are you sure? He-“
“Danny, shut up! You…seem sincere in this at least. I’m willing to give you one more shot, if and only if Steve is willing to as well, and…well, I don’t know what he wants. I’m not even sure he knows what he wants, but you’re the only one who can find it out, so get your ass in there and talk to him before I have to put bullet holes in you for stabbing him in the back in the first place.”
Danny could only nod. He was fighting his tears. He seemed to be getting his sincerity across to everyone except himself and Steve. Kono was the only one in the main room, and all she could do was nod and look at him as he went by. Seems like she knew what had happened as well; Chin had probably told her, and her face could tell a million different stories, from ‘I’ll tear you to shreds for ripping our team apart like this’ to ‘Fix this now, because if you don’t, Steve’s never going to be the same again.’ Danny couldn’t tell which story was the more intended of the two, but either way, when she let him by without saying anything, he figured the latter was the true case. He walked up to Steve’s office, Steve watching him with that face, Death’s Face, as he had named it, since Steve didn’t appear to live anymore when he looked at Danny. The look of betrayal in his eyes, teamed with the bags under his eyes, spoke more words than Danny had said since they had met more than two years ago. All of the times they shared were distant memories to this Steve. Danny had only one chance to fix this. He had to do it now. He pulled the doors opened to the office and waited for them to close to speak.
“Steve, listen-“
“I don’t want to hear it.”
Steve interrupted before Danny could even say anything. Danny looked at Steve, his tone mirroring his face with the lack of emotion. There was no longer any excitement, no more happiness. He couldn’t bear to see Steve like this. The extent of his betrayal finally rang clear as a clock tower’s bells.
“Steve-“
“Don’t say another word, Danny. I told you, I don’t want to hear it. You slept with her. That’s it. There is no more to say. You don’t get to just come in here and everything’s fine again. No. That’s not how the real world works. I might be emotionally inhibited, according to you, but what you did, there’s no coming back from it. I couldn’t care less what kinds of excuses you have. I don’t even care if you admit this. It’s over. You had your chance; we’re done. Now, I’ve got a lot of work to do, so please, if you’re going to come in to work, your office is right over there.” He pointed across the room to the office opposite his. “You can do the paperwork from the last case right there. I’ve even done the favor of starting it for you. Just leave, and this afternoon, I’ll have Kono and Chin pack your stuff, and you’re moving out.”
Danny couldn’t breathe. Everything shattered before him. There was no second chance. No chance to say what he had come here to say. Everything he had done this morning to prepare himself to talk to Steve had been for nothing. Steve wasn’t going to listen. Danny felt like throwing up. His guilt, Steve’s sadness, his betrayal, Steve’s trust – everything had finally come to the surface. This was no longer his family. His ohana was gone. Gone with one night’s impaired judgment. He had singlehandedly ruined his own life. The only thing left living for was Grace, and even then, he didn’t know how she’d react to him destroying his own relationship. Danny took slow steps towards the door, and caught a glimpse of Steve’s face in the reflection of the glass – tears had finally escaped Steve’s eyes, and he seemed to be convulsing as Danny walked out of the room. Steve had been shattered. When he reentered the main room, Kono’s anger had turned to sadness as well as she walked past Danny and into Steve’s office, giving him a big hug. Danny watched, jealousy burning brightly in his heart. How he longed to be the one giving Steve comfort, but how could he? How could he comfort Steve when he was the very reason Steve was crying?
Danny sat down in his office and peeked at the adjacent office once more – the blinds were closed, and Danny couldn’t see a thing, but that last sight he saw of Steve was enough. He knew what was happening beyond the blinds, and before he knew it, he was leaning over his trash can and the bile that had been testing his limits all morning finally made its way past his throat and into his mouth. The sour and bitter taste lingered as he emptied anything his body could muster up into the small trash can. His tears mixed with the vile fluids in the trash can as he cried harder than he could ever remember crying. Yes, Danny had seriously fucked up everything in his life, and he deserved this punishment and more for his betrayal.
Leave a comment